As of this afternoon, I am officially a resident of South Carolina. I wish it was as easy to pull that off as it was to write that sentence. Let me recap:
The morning was...damp. Too far back? Ok. I'll skip ahead.
I knew from looking online beforehand that I would need a few things: My old Indiana driver's license (proof that I know how to drive), a birth certificate (proof that I exist), my Social Security card (proof that I am a US citizen) and something to show where I live (proof of SC residency).
Ok, so when I got there I had the old license, the birth certificate, and OH Sugar Honey Ice Tea, that SS card is ALWAYS in my wallet - except today. The lady looked at my proof of residency and politely informed me that it was also not adequate. I was sure that my missing teeth and preacher hair and cell phone bill would be enough on this count, but I was wrong. So she gave me a helpful list of things that would be accepatble proof, and I headed home on a scavenger hunt.
Here is the actual list of things that are acceptable for proof (and the reasons I didn't have them).
- School records (it's been a while)
- A tuition bill (same)
- Current pay stub from an SC company or that shows my address and withholding state (well, the company I work for is headquartered in Texas, and they withhold North Carolina State taxes for me, because until this week, I had an office there)
- S.C. Welfare card (thankfully I don't need one of those)
- S.C. Medicaid card (see above)
- Parolee card (also see above)
- Home mortgage docs less than 90 days old (we get no bills - electronic bill pay)
- S.C. weapons permit (Oh my bad! I should have known that if I had a gun, I could get a driver's license. Makes perfect sense)
- County Tax notice (in Steph's name)
- Utility bill (Water, Electric, Cable bills - all in Steph's name - she moved here first and we've never changed it. They take phone bills, but not cell phones, and not satellite TV either. Don't ask me how I know that)
- Federal Tax records (um, they are around here somehwere...I know they are)
- Military orders (no, thanks)
- Letter from a military base that proves I am stationed here (I think there's a template for one of those in Pages or Word. If there isn't, there should be).
- SC Bank statement (we have three out of state bank accounts, and none of them send us statements in paper).
- Social Security check (again, thankfully, no)
- Insurance documentation (Now we are getting somewhere - but snafu! the docs don't have my name and address on the same page - so it isn't proof! Getting silly now)
- Letter from a homeless shelter in SC to prove I live there (go on, I'm listening, where do I sign up?)
- Vehicle insurance card (Oh, did I mention Steph has those on the other side of Charlotte with her?)
- Article of mail with Post Office change of address label (long since tossed out).
Well, I found something that I thought would work for #16 - a medical insurance statement that had my name and address on it, WooHoo! so I headed back to the DMV. Guess what? Medical records don't count. It has to be vehicle insurance. Not to get shitty (I promise I mostly didn't), but the list said nothing about vehicle - it just said insurance. I made sure to point that out to the lady. But she, being the lady at the DMV after all, clearly over the years had developed the compassion of a Komodo dragon. She did however notice that I had brought along our car insurance bill and said, "Do you have Nationwide insurance?" Yes, yes I do. "Well if you call your agent, you can just have them fax me a letter on their letterhead saying they insure you, and you are an SC resident." Pause. Well There. You. Go. This just got doable. A few phone calls later (and $25 bucks), and I have a South Carolina driver's license. This officially makes twice now that my day has been brightened by the Nationwide Insurance letterhead. Someday, when I feel like writing about it, maybe I will tell you how it got me out of a traffic ticket.
That was easy.