presentsense

Big family dilemmas - Sharing

Most of you who read this blog by now know that I have a large family - 5 kids. One of the more interesting - and perplexing - issues we are dealing with is around ownership and sharing. Adding to the angst is the added complication of being a "blended family," with four children learning to accept a new brother as part of the team. Finally, when I moved here, I didn't bring a lot of the kids "stuff" with me, as Sam already had tons of toys, and Steph and I felt like simplification was the right thing to do.
So here's where we painted ourselves into a corner, so to speak. Sam basically had to get used to the idea of 4 new kids playing with "his stuff," while they didn't bring a whole lot of their own to the party. Here's how it works from a kids-eye-view: Sam "owns" it all, but he has to share it. The other four don't "own" much of anything, and they are essentially borrowing it all from Sam.
With our first Christmas together, it gets even more complicated. We have decided to give equal numbers of gifts to the kids (each gets three plus a stocking). No problem there UNTIL you understand that the kid's tastes in gifts overlap in all sorts of ways. Wes wants a certain video game, but Sam wants that too. Sam wants something Hayden wants. Jack wants something Sam wants. Lauren seems to be exempt from the melee, as no one wants girl stuff but her.  So...how are we going to manage this? Any ideas? I will report back as it becomes more clear...

DST #2 - Laundry

Some random laundry tricks to add...

• It's not being a jerk to expect your kids to bring their dirty clothes to the laundry room, or to put them away after they have been washed. It's not hard work, and you gotta start somewhere. Even 3 year olds know what dirty clothes are and where the laundry room is. Give them easy jobs like this to earn praise.
• No matter what color the load is, you can put towels and underwear in it. Accidently pink underwear will not been seen in public (you hope). Socks are a different story.
• About socks...if you have a large family, try to get all the same kind and size of socks within reason. My boys share socks, and I am proud of it, because I know how much time I am saving by not having to put 17 different styles into pairs.
• Socks and underwear are cheap, and new ones feel good. Don't be afraid to throw stained or holey stuff away. Put real value on your time.
• When in doubt, wash in warm water.
• Smelly fabric softener makes kids feel good. Smell is tied to memory too, so try to pick a scent you like and stick with it. Kids feel at home when their clothes smell like home.
• Towels can be reused after baths and showers, but not after cleaning up spills. Learn to spot the difference.
• A child of 8 or older can be taught how to do laundry.
• Daughters love to put their brothers' clothes away, and to lay out their younger brothers' outfits in the morning. Get a daughter.
• Be realistic about what to hang onto and what to get rid of. With growing kids and no one to hand things down to, this winter's clothes will be useless to you next winter. Purge now - don't wait until later.

New Feature - Dad's Survival Tricks

Since this blog is about me and my life, I thought I would start a new feature that is about...well...my life.  I am going to call it "Dad's Survival Tricks."  Most of you know that since May of this past year, I have been a single dad of four young kids (ages 3-10)...yeah, you heard me right. So, lots of people have asked the question, "How do you do it?"  My standard answer is, "Not well.  Not well at all."  But I have picked up a few tricks and winning attitudes along the way, and I am learning new ones all the time, so I thought I would share them as they come to mind.  Here's the first batch:

• Leave your pride at the door.  You don't have to do things as well as your mom and grandmothers did it.  If you are a man, you are not wired right for that.  No one expects you to succeed at this, so whatever you can pull off will be a coup.  Good enough is good enough.
• When the kids are awake, be their dad, even if the house is a mess.  Learn the proper use of "early bed time" to get things done that just can't happen with them awake.  If your kids simply won't go to bed early, compromise with them.  Tell them they HAVE to go to their rooms and play or watch TV at a certain time, but they don't have to go straight to bed.  This is a win-win.  They think they are getting away with something, and you get quiet time - in theory.
• Cooking food from scratch is a pipe dream when you are outnumbered.  Fight the right battles and run from the wrong ones. If you need a good from-scratch meal, invite yourself to a friend or relative's house.  Again, drop the pride.  When you are cooking for the kids, learn the value of the following products: Instant mashed potatoes, Deluxe Mac-n-cheese (the kind where the sauce is already sauce, Heat and serve food (ravioli, spaghetti-os, corned beef hash, soup). ramen noodles, canned fruits and vegetables, etc).
• Always buy twice as much milk as you think you need.
• Check expiration dates AT THE STORE.  You'd be amazed how much stuff I have brought home to find it had already expired.
• Socks do not have to match perfectly.  Teach the kids to leave their shoes on in public, and you'll be golden.
• Have SLOCs (standard locations) for the following items: Keys, checkbook, belts, shoes, coats, gloves, hats.
• Put the phones and gadgets on chargers at night as part of the bedtime ritual.
• Remember to put the last load of wet clothes in the dryer as part of the bedtime ritual.  Don't start a new wash load if you aren't sure when you are going to get to change it over, this will save you those repeated washings of clothes that have turned sour.
• Give boys regular chores, but ask girls for help as needed.  Boys want the structure of everyday chores, but girls want to meet needs as they come up, and actually despair at the thought of having the "same job" for the rest of their lives.
• If you can help it at all, DON'T take the kids to the grocery.  You'll spend too much money, or get really mad, or both.  You will also forget things because you are trying to marshall the troops through the battleground.  Get a friend to come and sit.  Friends like to do these things, but often don't know what you need until you ask.  You might even get a free room cleanup out of the deal.