presentsense

For my children, on the eve of the end of the world

Sit down, kids. I have something to talk to you about. I know that you are hearing some frightening things about the Mayans and the year 2012 and the end of the world. A couple of you are really scared. Relax. You have nothing to worry about. How do I know? Let me tell you a few things.

First, the most obvious: The Mayan world ended a lot sooner than they themselves thought it would. Look around. No more Mayans. They've been gone since the 1600s, so looking to them for a prediction of the end of all things is pretty pointless. Do not be afraid.

Second, I want you to know that I know how you feel. I was your age once, and I was scared about the end of the world. At school, and especially at church. Thankfully now, we don't go to a church where they scare kids into believing in God. If anyone ever tries that with you, be sure to tell me about it, and I will put a stop to that. Do not be afraid.

Third, I want you to know that predicting the end of the world is nothing new. People have been doing it basically since the beginning of the world. People are doing it today. People will continue to do it tomorrow. Don't believe me? Take a look at this list...

In the year 90, Saint Clement 1 said the world would end any minute.

In the year 365, a man called Hilary said the world would end that year.

Saint Martin of Tours was sure the world would end by the year 400.

When the year 500 rolled around, a nice even number, lots of people thought the world was doomed.

In 992, Good Friday happened at the same time as the Feast of the Annunciation. Lots of people thought this would somehow give rise to the Antichrist and usher in the last days. Apparently it didn't.

1000 was a another big year for the end of the world predictors. It's a pattern around all these big round numbers, but let me explain something to you. The "world" doesn't know what year we say it is. As a matter of fact, the "world" doesn't even know what numbers are. The "world" doesn't even have a brain, so it's dumb to say it "knows" anything. Be careful when someone tries to tell you it does. They are trying to scare you. And God is not in the scaring business. He loves you. He is perfect love. Perfect love repels fear. Do not be afraid.

In 1005-1006, a horrible famine hit Europe, and everyone though the world was coming to an end. Funny, Europe is only a small part of the "world." We know that now. Not so much back then.

1033 rolled around, and since Jesus supposedly died and rose again exactly in the year 33, someone got their calculator out and did this: 33 + 1000 (big scary even number) = 1033.

In 1147, Gerard of Poehlde did some math and smoked some incense and decided the end of the world would be in 1306.

In 1179, John of Toledo (not Ohio), figured that since some planets would line up just right in 1186, the world would end then.

Pope Clement knew math too. He added the year of the founding of Islam to the "devil number" 666, and got 1284.

In the 1300s, Christians in Europe decided that cats were shape-shifted witches helpers and they were afraid, so they killed every one they could. With fewer cats, rats took over, and the rats had fleas that carried a horrible disease called the Bubonic Plague. No one predicted this would happen, but they were happy to assume that the end was near (even if they might have helped cause it). Do not be afraid of cats.

1496, 1500, 1524, 1533, and 1669 all came and went without incident (not counting the 20,000 Russian believers who were so scared the Antichrist would come in 1669 that they BURNED themselves to DEATH.) Fear is a powerful thing, unless you simply ignore it. Do not be afraid and set yourself on fire.

A Baptist preacher named Benjamin Keach predicted the world would end in 1689. Did it?

Some of the Shakers though the end would be in 1792.

Charles Wesley thought "Doomsday" would come in 1794.

Joseph Smith, the inventor of Mormonism, thought Jesus would come back when he was 85 years old. Too bad he got totally assassinated almost 50 years before that happened.

William Miller said that Jesus would come back on March 21, 1843, and a lot of people believed him until March 22. So he changed the date to October 22, 1844 and lots of people sold everything they had thinking they wouldn't need it. Didn't help. I wish I could have gone to those garage sales.

Ellen White said it would probably happen in 1850, then changed the story a few more times, trying to get it right. It didn't happen.

The Watchtower Society (Jehovah's Witnesses" probably holds the record for predicting the end of days the most times. 1914, oops - 1915, wait - 1918, hang on - 1920, okay 1925 for sure, one sec - 1941, I mean 1975. Would you believe 1994? Never mind.

Here are a few more guesses: Albert Porta - 1919, Herbert W Armstrong - 1936, then changed it to 1975, Leonard Sale-Harrison - 1940 or 41, David Davidson - August 1953, Mihran Ask - 1957, Florence Houteff - April 22, 1959 (her group survived until the FBI raided them in Waco, Texas and they all burned to death on April 29, 1993. That was a sad story. Little kids like you died that day because of the fear of their parents. I cried.) Again, do not be afraid and set yourself on fire.

More: Piazzi Smith - 1960, Moses David - 1973 (by a comet - that would have been cool for a few minutes!), Chuck Smith - 1981, Leland Jensen - 1980, Pat Robertson - 1982, Moses David (again) - 1986, Hal Lindsey - 1988 (he's still selling books to scared people), Edgar Whisenant wrote a book called "88 Reasons Why the Rapture will Occur in 1988", and Trinity Broadcasting Network (that Christian TV station that Daddy doesn't let you watch) interrupted their programming to get people ready for the Rapture. When it didn't happen, Whisenant wrote books about 1989, 1993, and 1994. He doesn't sell many books anymore.

Daddy got his job in 1998 because lots of people were sure that the world's computers were going to meltdown at midnight December 31, 1999 and lead to lots of nasty consequences - maybe even the end of the world. That didn't happen. You're welcome.

So now, it's 2009, and I've got a pretty good bet for you: The world is probably NOT going to end in 2012. As a matter of fact, I am counting on way more than just 3 years left to spend with you guys, watch you grow, play with you, scold you, be proud of you, and remind you not to be afraid in 2033, which is 33 + 2000. I love you, and if there is anything I want you to remember about what I have told you today, it's this:

Do not be afraid.

No TV update (or "Times change, but humans, not so much")

So, you may know that Steph and I yanked broadcast TV out of the house a month or so ago. Lots of people have asked how it's going, and in response I will say that we haven't missed much. The Michael Jackson thing. Anything related to sports. Anything related to politics. But all in all, the news we WANTED to get, we haven't had much trouble finding online, and as quickly as we wanted to. I'll save all the pros and cons (believe me, there have been way more pros to this point), but I wanted to share something interesting I have found out about people. This is as a result of only having old TV to watch.

We as humans have not changed very much.

We're watching TV shows like The Dick Van Dyke show, Leave it to Beaver, and movies like The Music Man and The Great Escape. Classic shows, and lots of documentaries (Steph would say too many documentaries). 

Guess what: Kids used to hide the truth from their parents when they thought the truth might get them in trouble. Wives used to worry about what their husbands thought of their figures. Husbands used to get stressed out at work and come home grumpy. People used to spend money to fight their fears. Injustices used to be done, and injustices used to be overcome.

Sure, we may be able to say and show things on TV now that we couldn't then (think Rob and Laura sleeping in twin beds), but then again, Dick Van Dyke can't advertise his favorite brand of cigarette anymore, so things haven't completely gone down hill. I don't know, I guess it just comforts me a little to know that The Beaver was way stupider and way more devious than my kids are.

Oh, and to all you ladies who strive for the "perfect" home that June was able to keep, we uncovered a little secret. She had a housekeeper (go find season 1 episode 2).

Book Review: Jesus, Interrupted

I just recently finished reading Bart Ehrman's latest book, Jesus, Interrupted - Revealing the Hidden Contradictions in the Bible (and Why We Don't Know About Them), and I must say that although the information contained is so wide-ranging that I will need quite a while to ponder it, it is a fascinating read.

To begin my review on the right note, I will say that I have not decided to become an agnostic after reading it, although Ehrman, now a Distinguished Professor of Religious Studies at UNC Chapel Hill, is quite adamant throughout the book that he himself is now indeed agnostic. To be fair, he also points out quite clearly that his agnostic position is not as a result of the material he covers in this book (although he might have made the point one too many times - leaving me with a slight feeling that he "doth protest too much," but I digress).

As I mentioned before, the book is fairly wide-ranging in subject matter, as evidenced from the table of contents:

1. A Historical Assault on Faith
2. A World of Contradictions 
3. A Mass of Variant Views 
4. Who Wrote the Bible? 
5. Liar, Lunatic, or Lord? Finding the Historical Jesus 
6. How We Got the Bible 
7. Who Invented Christianity? 
8. Is Faith Possible 

Each of the chapters contains material that covers a very basic understanding of the sort of things that beginning seminary students might expect to learn at all but the most conservative of schools, focusing most heavily on direct contradictions between books in the New Testament, and the authorship of said books. One point that Ehrman tries to drive home repeatedly is the idea that most of what he says in this book is basic and common knowledge among scholars. Here is a quote from the last chapter of the book, to give you a feel for the overall theme:

"I have been trying, instead, to make serious scholarship on the Bible and earliest Christianity accessible to people who may be interested in the New Testament but who, for one reason or another, have never heard what scholars have long known and thought about it." (pg. 271)

It's also clear from repeated allusions that Ehrman himself has come under considerable criticism for his views since the publication of Misquoting Jesus in 2005, primarily from conservative evangelicals (which he isn't ashamed to say he once was, having received degrees from Moody Bible Institute and Wheaton College. He answers those critics multiple times in Jesus, Interrupted, as in this example:

"Some readers will find it surprising that I do not see the material in the preceding chapters as an attack on Christianity or an agnostic's attempt to show that faith, even Christian faith, is meaningless and absurd. That is not what I think, and it is not what I have been trying to accomplish" (p. 271)

I think Ehrman best sums up the reason that he has been vilified by conservatives in the following statement, again near the end of the book:

"Or perhaps pastors are afraid that if the person in the pew learns what scholars have said about the Bible, it will lead to a crisis of faith, or even the loss of faith. My personal view is that a historical-critical approach to the Bible does not neccesarily lead to agnosticism or atheism." (p. 272)

Ehrman's writing style is indeed accessible to the lay person, and it is clear that he has had enough experience with first year seminary students to learn how to "soften the blow" of full-on NT textual criticism well enough to keep his readers engaged until he has made his case. Still, I know that many of my readers will be frightened of the subject matter or at least very cautious when approaching this book. To those folks, I would recommend that you take the time to find the book at a bookstore or library and read the last chapter, as it will give you a good idea of what you are in for, should you decide to take the material on.

I have read about as much theological literature as a hobbyist can, but I have no formal theological training, so dry, clinical, or academic texts usually turn me off. I can say to my delight however, that Ehrman's book went right to the edge of that cliff without stepping over it, and I really enjoyed the read, to the author's credit. Footnotes in this book are fewer and father between than one might expect, and if I had a criticism for the editor, I would say that placing the footnotes on the page where they are referenced would be of great value to a hobbyist reader such as myself. I know I can look them up in the back of the book, but to me it disrupts the flow of the material too much at times to have to dig around like that. A minor point, I know, but this is a book review, after all.

As for criticisms of Ehrman himself, I have only one. He is certainly entitled to his agnosticism, which seems hard won indeed, but I feel that on multiple occasions in the book he has to make some leaps or "gut feel" types of calls on what he thinks about original authorship questions and other things. It's hard to put my finger on anything in particular, but it seemed to me that each time those leaps were required, his presuppositions lead him and his gut away from faith, perhaps subconsciously, rather than offering the benefit of the doubt and accepting orthodox thought.

Still, for the majority of the book, Ehrman's facts seem to be in line with conventional scholarship, and his conclusions logically plausible, if not obvious.

Should you read it? As with every book of this nature, that totally depends on you, and I can't pretend I know enough about you to make the call, but consider the following paraphrased statements from the book:

• Only eight of the books of the New Testament are thought to be written by their supposed authors
• Jesus probably never said he was divine, nor did the authors of Matthew, Mark, or Luke
• Jesus might not have meant that he was coming again, but that the Son of Man (a different person) was 
• The concepts of Heaven, Hell, and eternal punishment or reward of people, and the Trinity are all inventions of early Christian leaders, and only evident in what we read today because they were added later by scribes and the like 
• No historian knows if Jesus performed miracles, and the very purpose of miracles are at odds with each other in Matthew and John
• The gospels at times differed greatly on many points, from the theologically significant (including "the suffering servant" narrative and substitutional atonement) to the trivial (like when Jesus was born and when he was crucified).  

If the kinds of things listed above give you pause or even cold chills, you may not want to approach this material. If on the other hand, you feel strong enough to engage the text regardless of your personal beliefs, you may very well enjoy having your mind stretched. If all of those statements sound basic and familiar to you, this book might not have much extra to offer. Ehrman's goal (if I understand his multiple repetitions of it throughout the book) is to simply present the scholarship to a lay audience, and not necessarily to convince his readers to join him in his retreat from the Christian faith. 

More useful info:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qADxEspNE-Q Jesus, Interrupted in Ehrman’s own words

http://bartdehrman.com Dr. B’s homepage

http://www.harpercollins.com/book/index.aspx?isbn=9780061173936&WT.mc_id=PBAN_OOZE_JSINT_021309 Book page with video, excerpts and more

http://blog.beliefnet.com/blogalogue/is-our-pain-gods-problem - blogalogue: an interesting debate last year between Ehrman & NT Wright on the problem of pain and suffering

Jesus, Interrupted is on the way...

Controversy makes for good publicity, and Bart Ehrman is no stranger to controversy, so it's no wonder I initially heard about this bible scholar on The Daily Show of all places a couple years ago.  His new book - "Jesus, Interrupted" is on its way right now to my house for my review, and I am looking forward to Ehrman doing his usual job of ripping the New Testament text to shreds. Stay tuned for my full review of his book in the next several weeks, but for now, here's some more info about what's coming...

Ehrman talks about his book on YouTube

Harper Collins page on Jesus, Interrupted

Since I Am Broken

Since I Am Broken

©2008 Eli Renner

Since I am broken

Would you come heal me?

Since I am sinking

Would you throw me a lifeline?

Since I am fearful

Would you stay with me?

I come to you the way I am

'Cause I am not ashamed to ask for help

You have never let me down

I am not ashamed to ask for help

You will never let me down

Since I am foolish

Would you please teach me?

Since I have fallen

Would you reach out and pick me up?

Since I am lonely

Would you embrace me?

I come to you the way I am

'Cause I am not ashamed to ask for help

You have never let me down

I am not ashamed to ask for help

You will never let me down (2x)

Have mercy, Son of David

I don't look much like you

Remake me in your image

Make all things new, make all things new (2x)

I am not ashamed to ask for help

You have never let me down

I am not ashamed to ask for help

You will never let me down (repeat...)

Download Broken 

Welcome to the Palmetto state...

As of this afternoon, I am officially a resident of South Carolina. I wish it was as easy to pull that off as it was to write that sentence. Let me recap:

The morning was...damp. Too far back? Ok. I'll skip ahead.

I knew from looking online beforehand that I would need a few things: My old Indiana driver's license (proof that I know how to drive), a birth certificate (proof that I exist), my Social Security card (proof that I am a US citizen) and something to show where I live (proof of SC residency).

Ok, so when I got there I had the old license, the birth certificate, and OH Sugar Honey Ice Tea, that SS card is ALWAYS in my wallet - except today. The lady looked at my proof of residency and politely informed me that it was also not adequate. I was sure that my missing teeth and preacher hair and cell phone bill would be enough on this count, but I was wrong. So she gave me a helpful list of things that would be accepatble proof, and I headed home on a scavenger hunt.

Here is the actual list of  things that are acceptable for proof (and the reasons I didn't have them).

1. School records (it's been a while)
2. A tuition bill (same)
3. Current pay stub from an SC company or that shows my address and withholding state (well, the company I work for is headquartered in Texas, and they withhold North Carolina State taxes for me, because until this week, I had an office there)
4. S.C. Welfare card (thankfully I don't need one of those)
5. S.C. Medicaid card (see above)
6. Parolee card (also see above)
7. Home mortgage docs less than 90 days old (we get no bills - electronic bill pay)
8. S.C. weapons permit (Oh my bad! I should have known that if I had a gun, I could get a driver's license. Makes perfect sense)
9. County Tax notice (in Steph's name)
10. Utility bill (Water, Electric, Cable bills - all in Steph's name - she moved here first and we've never changed it. They take phone bills, but not cell phones, and not satellite TV either. Don't ask me how I know that)
11. Federal Tax records (um, they are around here somehwere...I know they are)
12. Military orders (no, thanks)
13. Letter from a military base that proves I am stationed here (I think there's a template for one of those in Pages or Word. If there isn't, there should be).
14. SC Bank statement (we have three out of state bank accounts, and none of them send us statements in paper).
15. Social Security check (again, thankfully, no)
16. Insurance documentation (Now we are getting somewhere - but snafu! the docs don't have my name and address on the same page - so it isn't proof! Getting silly now)
17. Letter from a homeless shelter in SC to prove I live there (go on, I'm listening, where do I sign up?)
18. Vehicle insurance card (Oh, did I mention Steph has those on the other side of Charlotte with her?)
19. Article of mail with Post Office change of address label (long since tossed out).

Well, I found something that I thought would work for #16 - a medical insurance statement that had my name and address on it, WooHoo! so I headed back to the DMV. Guess what? Medical records don't count. It has to be vehicle insurance. Not to get shitty (I promise I mostly didn't), but the list said nothing about vehicle - it just said insurance. I made sure to point that out to the lady. But she, being the lady at the DMV after all, clearly over the years had developed the compassion of a Komodo dragon. She did however notice that I had brought along our car insurance bill and said, "Do you have Nationwide insurance?" Yes, yes I do. "Well if you call your agent, you can just have them fax me a letter on their letterhead saying they insure you, and you are an SC resident." Pause. Well There. You. Go. This just got doable. A few phone calls later (and $25 bucks), and I have a South Carolina driver's license. This officially makes twice now that my day has been brightened by the Nationwide Insurance letterhead. Someday, when I feel like writing about it, maybe I will tell you how it got me out of a traffic ticket.

That was easy.

Please take a look at www.wevues.com

Hey, loyal readers,

A few weeks ago, we Steph and I floated a test-balloon we called the "He said She said Review" and it was a hit. So much so that we decided to flesh the concept out a little more, get a domain name, and give it its own home on the web, and so....

http://www.wevues.com

...was born. We've been working hard at putting some real content up on the site before publicizing it, so there's already some good stuff to read out there, including our latest review - Slumdog Millionaire. Please visit it, put the feed in your reader, or just check back the next time you are looking to watch a movie and need some good ideas. We'll give you our take (from both his and her perspectives), as well as things that parents might want to be tipped-off about in the movies we've seen.

Thanks for checking it out!

HsSsR#1 - Lakeview Terrace (Blu-Ray)

He Says:

I really liked this movie. I would say that I was pleasantly surprised by it, and it mostly all comes down to Samuel L. Jackson. For some reason, to me, he's a lot more believable as a bad guy than as a hero. As a crooked cop, well really, what other kind of cop could he be? It's his eyes. He just looks like he's lying to you all the time. Anyway...the story is predictable. You know who the bad guy is pretty much from the beginning. Heck, you know if you watch the trailer, so there are no spoilers there. You know he's going to get his at some point, although the ending is mildly unexpected, while at the same time being ultimately satisfying. The good guys - the couple that bought the house - are well played and believable as well.

She Says:

While I sat down for this movie I had to have my glass of wine, bowl of popcorn and lights turned off. I liked this movie o.k. It wasn't one of my favorite, and it wasn't my worst. I wish it had more suspense scenes. I thought the husband was kind of a jerk so, it made it hard to root for him even though the evil cop (samuel L. Jackson) next door was harassing them.  Samuel L. Jackson is a very good convincing evil twisted bad cop.

However, it did have a beginning, climax, and a dramatic end. I did appreciate the twist and turns but at the same time were a little predictable. I wish that his grudge against his neighbors was not because they were a mixed couple but maybe something else that built. The plot was good, the acting was good, the dialogue was good, the soundtrack was good. It did have all the points of a good movie.

Parent's corner...
Violence: There's a lot of violence, but little gore. Guns, fighting, and one bitch-slap.

Sex: There's a bachelor party scene with strippers doing lap dances, but no naughty bits are exposed. There's also a married-sex-in-the-pool scene, but it's pretty mild with no boobies, butts, or humping noises.

Awkward moments?: It might be tough to explain the whole concept of "bad cops" to kids under 8. There's some exposure to racism - mostly blacks against interracial marriage. That will probably fly right over most kids' heads.

Sociability: We'd watch this with our older kids, and our parents, but probably not our grandparents.

Language scale: Mr. Rogers - Mormon - Gym teacher - Sailor - Vietnam War Platoon Leader

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Lakeview Terrace on IMDB.

NEW FEATURE - The He Said She Said Review (HsSsR)

Hey faithful readers, Steph and I have decided to do something fun here on the blog. Introducing the "He-said-She-said-Review" Here's the concept: After Steph and I watch a movie, TV show, concert, etc - together, we'll write a review of it together here on the blog.  Since most of you who read this blog know at least one of us, this feature might be useful as a little word-of-mouth take on whatever it is. The majority of our reviews will be of movies, and probably most of those will be DVD/Blu-Ray reviews, as we don't get out to new flicks very often.

Anyway, you know us, so we'll probably have a little bit of fun with these reviews. We try not to take ourselves too seriously. They'll be written from an adult with 5 kids perspective, so we'll be sure to fill all you parents in on stuff that might be too salty for the kiddies too.

Think of it as our gift to you, our cherished readers. 

Amazing find from Amazon for Friday Fun!

Just click this link.

http://www.amazon.com/Knitting-Dog-Hair-Better-Sweater/dp/0312152906

And either laugh, get creeped out, or both.

You are welcome.